The Inner Fish

Its been a month since my last blogpost and I haven't played much poker, mainly due to my Dads ongoing illness. Travelling from work to the hospital and keeping up a rota of visiting with my brother has been very time consuming so poker has taken a back seat as has a lot of things in my life.

 On a more positive note, I've hired a coach Barry Clark and had a fantastic couple of hours with him he has stripped my game almost back to basics to build a good foundation and also introduced some poker fundamentals I've never come across in any book or poker publication and I'm extremely happy with the direction poker and my life is taking as a result of Barrys input.

When you take a big step like taking on a coach many things run through your mind, am I ready for this? am I attempting to run before I can walk? will the coaching be worth the outlay?... I needn't have worried! Barry has given my game a structure a "Modus Operandi" he's taught me the correct way to review hands not just how but when and this alone has been a revelation and if this was the only thing I got from him it would have been worthwhile.

Barry works a lot with a persons "temperament" in a very specific way and although we have only skimmed the surface in relation to poker I know its going to be massively beneficial.

TEMPERAMENT    an individual's character, disposition, and tendencies as revealed in his reactions

 One of the reasons I decide to ask Barry to coach me was because I felt that tilt was subtly interfering with my play, I mean I wasn't throwing huge tantrums as a result of a bad beat and I always thought I was handling it well but it was knocking me off my A game and even my B game in a really subtle way.
  

When I deem myself to be a superior player to the guy who is getting the better of me, I find it really hard to take, I know the guys a fish but he keeps chipping into my stack and I find myself becoming increasingly more frustrated until my decision making process is in bits then I find that all gains and profits I've grinded out in the session disappear in one or two moments of madness. I've called this situation my Inner Fish and I'm convinced if I can keep this crazy aspect of myself subdued I'll be profitable in the long run.
So to combat this I'm just focusing on the present moment, just observing my opponents play without reacting emotionally to it nor judging it just simply focusing on my decision making process and mindfully staying serene and in the NOW, if I can stay in this "state" my game will improve and profits will follow.

 Check out Barrys bit of the interweb at http://bazclark.com/
 

"CONFIDENCE"

 What a month March was! the theme for the month was my confidence, I've never been the most confident person in the world, some people who know me may find that really hard to believe considering I used to manage brick and block factories and I'm now working in a sales environment, but its always been something that I've struggled with and this month any confidence I had seemed to flow out of me in every area of my life, I struggled at work I struggled I'n my personal life and eventually I struggled at poker!

The graph above is my play on Titanpoker upto a couple of days ago 8,461 hands logged since03/03/2011 as you can see I got off to a flying start and then had a bit of a "cooler" and then I grinded back up to +433 big blinds then all of a sudden I felt as though any luck I had went out the window with my confidence and before I knew it I was -316bb's a swing of almost 750bb's! and this happened in just 2000 hands FML.

Below is the hand histories for 2 hands that had a big bearing on one of the sessions I played.

Hand 1, I definately shouldnt have checked on the flop and should have bet into him but lacking confidence I fail to put pressure on the villian (who has completely missed the flop) and gave him a free card and the turn gives him the card he needs and he has a set of 7's and I'm dominated and he's away with my dough.

Hand 2, once again I've got AQo, when the flop come down unknown to me the villain has the nut straight and I'm beaten from the offset, however due to me showing weakness hand 1 this time I'm overaggressive and this is just playing into villains hands luckily for me he's a shortstacker and doesn't have the chips at the table to clean me out... phew!

Sad thing is those two hands alone led me to make a loss on the session


 HAND 1
http://www.holdemmanager.net
NL Holdem $0.10(BB) Replayer Game#2701960261

FirstGold ($8.25)
cashjunk1 ($11.74)
DjinnD ($9.98)
lowrence ($12.20)
marenghi10 ($12.55)

FirstGold posts (SB) $0.05
cashjunk1 posts (BB) $0.10

Dealt to FirstGold Qh  As 
DjinnD raises to $0.40
fold, fold,
FirstGold raises to $1
fold,
DjinnD calls $0.60
FLOP ($2.10) Qc  Kd  8s 
FirstGold checks
DjinnD checks
TURN ($2.10) Qc  Kd  8s  7s 
FirstGold bets $1.57
DjinnD calls $1.57
RIVER ($5.24) Qc  Kd  8s  7s  Qs 
FirstGold bets $2.62
DjinnD raises to $5.60
FirstGold raises to $5.68 (AI)
DjinnD calls $0.08
FirstGold shows Qh  As 
(Pre 45%, Flop 91.2%, Turn 0.0%)

DjinnD shows 7h  7c 
(Pre 55%, Flop 8.8%, Turn 100.0%)

DjinnD wins $15.50

HAND 2
http://www.holdemmanager.net
NL Holdem $0.10(BB) Replayer Game#2701943375

FirstGold ($6)
superpolesasha ($7.83)
hitpokram ($16.51)
PotatoJunkey ($10.15)
broston ($2.85)

FirstGold posts (SB) $0.05
superpolesasha posts (BB) $0.10

Dealt to FirstGold Qs  Ac 
fold, fold,
broston raises to $0.30
FirstGold raises to $0.70
fold,
broston calls $0.40
FLOP ($1.50) Qd  Jd  As 
FirstGold bets $0.75
broston calls $0.75
TURN ($3) Qd  Jd  As  9d 
FirstGold bets $2.25
broston calls $1.40 (AI)
RIVER ($5.80) Qd  Jd  As  9d  7s 
broston shows Tc  Kd 
(Pre 37%, Flop 82.2%, Turn 90.9%)

FirstGold shows Qs  Ac 
(Pre 63%, Flop 17.8%, Turn 9.1%)

broston wins $5.42

So for the last few days I've hardly played poker at all just trying to clear my head and get some confidence, thankfully I'm feeling better about a lot of things in my life and have been doing a lot of studying, so tomorrow I'm going to play about 1000 hands and lets see how it goes...

stop! stop!! STOP!!!

Well I started tonights session full of enthusiasm and planning on playing 1000 hands at 20nl on Titan poker, up until Friday I had been playing 10nl on friday I had lost half a buy in but felt that overall I had played ok and the losses incurred were before I had adjusted to the gameplay, however tonight I played terrible it was as though my decision making was screwed up!!

I had wanted to carry on playing and to complete my goal of 1000 hands for the night but I was beginning to tilt and get angry, angry with myself more than anything else as all of the profits that I had slowly but surely been building up at 6max 10nl was quickly whizzing out of my grasp at 20nl. one particular hand is probably the worst hand I have ever played....

Titan Poker 6 max 10/20nl

UTG $17.56
Hero MP $18.52 -QdQs
CO $11.93
Villain BT $21.47 -8d9d
SB $21.10
BB $19.80

UTG folds
Hero Raises .40c
CO folds
BT villain calls .40c
SB folds
BB folds


Flop
8h, 9c, 6c,  pot $1.10

Hero bets .82c (donk bets)
Villain raises $3.00            at this point anyone with any sense should have folded but what did I do???
(insane) Hero Reraises to $5.18 (wtf?)
Villain shoves ALL IN      at this point I again should have folded but what do I do???
Hero CALLS and is ALL IN

Turn 7c
River Kd
Villain wins $38.43

I have replayed this hand and I just can't understand what was going on in my head as I really fell in love with my pocket Queens and just could not fold them! this is not like me as I have many times fold Queens, Kings and Aces if I feel I am dominated.

Am I the MUPPET!!??

Lazyitis

I need a good kick up the backside! the main purpose for me creating a blog was to keep me on track and moving forward towards my poker goals, I reasoned that being transparent about my game development would keep me on track, as I would be accountable not only to myself but to the readers who take time out of their days to catch up with what I'm actually doing so thank you Lee, Martin & Krissy for taking an interest and I shall endeavour to keep this blog updated and include some interesting non poker related stuff as well.

As regards my move to Titan I've played about 5.5k hands and and I'm running about +6bb/100 not sure of the exact figure as I'm writing this in my luch break at work so dont have access to Hold'em manager. Titan as been an eye opener as I was lead to believe the ipoker network was full of fish as its linked to a lot of european bookmakers/sportsbooks, however the games seem to have more than their fair share of regulars who are incredibly nitty! looking at the tables in the lobby and the percentage of players seeing the flop averages around 22% so I was expecting to find it a real struggle but so far its not to bad at the micro levels I play 10nl and 20nl. Overall for the year my stats are 30k hands on Absolute, Pokerstars and Titan and I'm running -0.80bb/100 which I'm happy with as I'm still a novice and have much to learn.

I've been reading as much as I can online about successful grinders and its quite obvious that they all have a solid work ethic and I feel thats the main area I need to work on for me to achieve my goal of giving up the day job and earning an income from poker, I always knew it was going to be hard and would require a lot of time and effort but I now know I underestimated just how much time and effort it will take, however I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end as my job is quite soul destroying at times and the daily commute is a pain in the arse as well!

Survival of the Fishiest

Hey Guys I'm back hadn't planned on leaving it this long between updates but due to some personal and work related issues I just didn't have the time to update.

 I have taken the advice of a couple of really good poker players who advised me to find a "soft" poker site with plenty of fish and this has led me to sign up with Titan poker the biggest skin on the ipoker network thats renowned for its fishy players, why did I sign up with Titan and not another ipoker skin? simply the vip program looks outstanding at first glance it seems on a par with pokerstars and they are offering a generous sign up bonus, in fact the first time I logged on after depositing they awarded me a bonus! $16.50 it aint mega bucks but free money is free money :)

One thing I've discovered about poker over the last 18 months or so is how much it can mirror life, poker like nature has its very own food chain. Bottom of the food chain are the fish, new players or bad players who are not sure what they are doing and in some cases why they are doing it! and all the way at the top are the sharks who inhabit the nosebleed games, guys Like Isildur1 on Pokerstars and Phil Ivey & Durrrr on Fulltilt

          These guys are the Titans of the game, anyone with ambition who plays poker aspires to be just like Ivey, Isildur1 and Durrrr. I would love to have just a quarter of the ability of any of them.

                                                            Viktor Blom aka Isildur1

Soft Opposition

So thats the main reason why I've decided to build my bankroll on Titan Poker I will still play a bit on Pokerstars but I should be able to build my bankroll quicker due to Titans fishier players and excellent VIP program, so watch this space, so far I've only played about 1500 hands on Titan @10nl with mixed results but I should know where I stand at the end of the month when I've played about 15000 hands, wish me luck.

.

welcome to zero limit poker

Hi I'm Neil and this is my first post, so i suppose I better introduce myself....

I'm a 46 yr old guy from a little town in the north of England called St Helens, it's stuck between the bigger cities of Liverpool and Manchester so largely goes unnoticed to the outside world unless you drive along the M62 and see the "Dream" sculpture, St helens own Angel of the north. I spent most of my adult life working in the building industry managing brick and block factories but seeing as that's been decimated by the global downswing so I'm currently working in the telecoms industry selling mobile phones to f@ckers who want the most expensive blackberry or iphone they can get their grubby little hands on, but only want to pay the price of two bean tins attached with a piece of string!

This blog is mainly going to be about my poker exploits but I have been known to ramble on a bit so I may even touch on subjects as diverse as health & fitness, zen buddhism and the political landscape... what do they say? never talk about politics and religion? well it's my f@ckin blog so I'll post what I like!.

I discovered poker about 2 years ago, obviously I knew it existed but it just hadn't attracted my attention, I was busy working, backing horses, going to rugby league matches and watching ballet (yeah you read that right) One night I happened to come across the poker channel on sky tv and started to watch and suddenly found myself intrigued, I've always been one for trying to make a fast buck so thought "I can do that!" then suddenly realised I didn't have a bloody clue how to play, so being a bit of a bookworm I ordered "Play Poker like the Pro's" by Phil Hellmuth (stop sniggering) and digested it. I deposited $200 on PKR and and another $200 on Carbon poker and started to play full ring cash games nlhe .10/.25 and it was a rollercoaster winning one day then losing what I'd won the next day so I was kind of breaking even but to me my first impression of playing poker was of 9 fella's sat around a virtual table in cyberspace swapping money!

I continued swapping money with the other regs on PKR for a few weeks and then the opportunity came up to go on a "dirty weekend" with a stunning ex girlfriend of mine and I withdrew my entire $400 bankroll to blow on a wild weekend... the weekend was awesome but poor old Destruval didn't have a bankroll anymore so poker fell by the wayside for about 8 months mainly due to some personal problems I was experiencing. I wanted to hit the felt and improve myself as a player but I was in a dark place at the time and decided to abstain from the tables, I just knew I would tilt badly and probably wipe out my entire finances so I spent the time reading about poker mainly how to play sit and goes and eventually started playing $6 sng's on Party, UB, Full Tilt, Paddy Power, bwin and just about every othersite you can name. I'd have some success and then go on a downswing, blame the site and withdraw what was left and deposit in the next site hoping this next site would be my "lucky site" as I didn't have a clue about variance.

What am I trying to achieve by writing this blog? I want to be succesful at playing poker, my idea of success may differ to anothers but basically I have worked for "The Man" since I was 16 and I see online poker as a means of becoming self sufficient, independent and free, if I can spend the remaining days of my life doing something I enjoy while interacting with like minded individuals I'll be extremely happy so this blog is a record of my efforts to achieve personal freedom through poker and it can be a meeting point for others who may be on the same journey as me where we can share experiences and enjoy the ride.

Tough Month Poker & Life

Just finished my last session of February it was a short session only 378 hands of .5/.10 6 max nlhe it took 68 minutes 4 tabling as I just wanted to achieve my silverstar status on Pokerstars and then get an early night as I hadn't slept the night before worrying about my Dad who is in hospital at the moment, he has leukemia and also just before Christmas had a heart attack, so he has been in the wars of late but he's one tough cookie and he is ever cheerful and just gets on with it, unlike me I'm a whining bastard!.

Tonights session was Ace because I ran like God, making 237BB's in just 378 hands I even was dealt pocket aces half a dozen times and everytime it seemed like it was just either folded round to me uncalled or as soon as I raised everybody folded, just felt as though I wasn't getting any benefit. I was hoping to gets some stats and graphs on this post but as I'm a noob I aint a clue what I'm doing so they will just have to wait until I fathom that one out.

Yesterday I had to come off after missclicking the fold button instead of calling an all in when I had a T to A straight FML!! it sent me on the worst tilt I can remember as I was shaking with temper (almost) so fuckin annoyed with myself... Talking of tilt does anyone have that really strange feeling that comes over them when you are running hot and you feel like omg whats occuring!? I feel a bit panicky, its fear of loss I think fear that all of a sudden this amazing session is going to end and the Poker Gods are gonna trip me up while the rest of the Gambling Gods look on pissing themselves laughing!

Decided to search myself on poker-edge.com and they currently rate me as a SHARK!! think they may have made a mistake I think I'm more of a dogfish than a fucking shark but I'll take that I must be on the right track, I just need to keep playing consciously, keep reviewing hands, reading and watching videos and keeping my mind on my poker goals.

 I came across this great quote from actor Will Smith....

“The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is that I’m not afraid to DIE on a treadmill. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, but if we get on a treadmill together, there are two things:
1- You’re getting off first
OR
2- I’m gonna DIE
It’s really that simple”

and thats the attitude I want to bring to my poker career.